Failing into fullness of our destiny with God,
May we fail to grasp the meaning of His sempiternal Word.
Let us fail into the fullness of the greatness of the Lord,
Lest we fall upon the sharpness of His terrible swift sword.

Failing into fullness of our destiny with God,
May we fail to grasp the meaning of His sempiternal Word.
Let us fail into the fullness of the greatness of the Lord,
Lest we fall upon the sharpness of His terrible swift sword.


In the early 90’s I hitchhiked and wandered the Western U.S. for about two years. I made several huge circuits from Montana to Seattle, down Route 101 into California, across to Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, down into Texas as far south as Victoria then back north again as winter faded. Blissfully nomadic, I had wide open spaces in which to commune with God. It was a magnificent and, at times, delusional period of my poetic life. For a while I felt that I could live on black coffee, usually from the sample thermos in specialty stores, and bread (certain bakeries throw out delicious fresh baguettes if you are there in an auspicious moment: give us this day our… etc). Such a diet was conducive to visionary states, particularly when combined with obsessive Bible-reading. I sometimes felt like an apostle or a prophet. I probably had a vitamin deficiency too.
On my second sweep of the West, I hopped a freight train from Seattle bound for Portland, Oregon. Having misjudged how cold it would get perched on an open metal platform under the overhang of an oil tank while rolling over mountain passes at night, I jumped off when the train slowed down near Eugene and found a homeless shelter in that city.
In the shelter’s lounge area, mingling with an assortment of humanity ranging from the criminal and addicted to the harmlessly beatific, I waited for the beds to be assigned before the evening meal was served. It was the usual all-ages crowd of discharged mental patients, drunks of all ethnicities, crippled vets, junkies, convicts, meth-addled hippies and tattooed street anarchists with too many piercings. People were cadging cigarettes from one another, murmuring in derelict tones with a variety of accents. I had become used to such gatherings during my ongoing American road-trip. There was an open area outside this space in which smoking was permitted. Then I saw someone across the room, apart from the rest.
He was wearing a heavy white robe. He looked like Jesus. He stood out. He was barefoot and authentically weather-beaten; intense. No one else was near him and they seemed to swirl away from him as if invisibly repelled. I watched the strange figure from a short distance. He certainly seemed interesting to me, after all it is not every day one meets Christ Himself at the local homeless shelter…
It occurred to me in a flash: Maybe the others can’t see him. Maybe only I am able to see him.
He remained aloof on the far side of the room. No one engaged him in conversation. I decided to walk over and find out if he was a celestial apparition or not. I can’t remember what I said to the robed stranger. I probably questioned him about the shelter, asked when dinner would be served or something similar. He was neither overly friendly, nor hostile. Very cool and serene. I introduced myself and asked for his name. His eyes held liquid fire.
My name is James, he replied.
A long silence ensued.
My thoughts began spiraling: So… I can see and interact with this person but no one else can? God has sent the Apostle James down from heaven to this homeless shelter but only I am able to perceive his beatific presence, because the rest of these occupants are not seeking God. He is my guardian spirit here among the sinful riff-raff of this shelter… he may have a message for me from the Lord, etc. etc.
People were still flowing around and away from us. I thought: maybe now that I am within the orbit of this wanderer, I too have become invisible.
We remained a minute longer, apart from the milling multitude of people filling the small space of the shelter recreation area. James turned to me and suddenly said in a polite and slightly businesslike manner:
Well, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll step outside for a cigarette.
It was so out of character for a resurrected apostle. I was taken aback. Still, the Apostle James can do whatever he wants. Who am I to judge him for wanting a smoke? The robed barefoot stranger took his leave and headed to the smoker’s patio outside. I don’t recall seeing him in the shelter after that.
I gradually came down from my biblical delirium and realized it was all in my head. I found out later that most of these fake apostles of God were speedfreak burnouts from the cult of one Charles McHugh, known to his robed disciples as “Jesus lightning Amen”

Re: The Christ Family
An Address to Miss Phillis Wheatley

I
O come you pious youth! adore
The wisdom of thy God,
In bringing thee from distant shore,
To learn His holy word.
II
Thou mightst been left behind
Amidst a dark abode;
God’s tender mercy still combin’d
Thou hast the holy word.
III
Fair wisdom’s ways are paths of peace,
And they that walk therein,
Shall reap the joys that never cease
And Christ shall be their king.
IV
God’s tender mercy brought thee here;
Tost o’er the raging main;
In Christian faith thou hast a share,
Worth all the gold of Spain.
V
While thousands tossed by the sea,
And others settled down,
God’s tender mercy set thee free,
From dangers that come down.
VI
That thou a pattern still might be,
To youth of Boston town,
The blessed Jesus set thee free,
From every sinful wound.
VII
The blessed Jesus, who came down,
Unvail’d his sacred face,
To cleanse the soul of every wound,
And give repenting grace.
VIII
That we poor sinners may obtain
The pardon of our sin;
Dear blessed Jesus now constrain
And bring us flocking in.
IX
Come you, Phillis, now aspire,
And seek the living God,
So step by step thou mayst go higher,
Till perfect in the word.
X
While thousands mov’d to distant shore,
And others left behind,
The blessed Jesus still adore,
Implant this in thy mind.
XI
Thou hast left the heathen shore;
Thro’ mercy of the Lord,
Among the heathen live no more,
Come magnify thy God.
XII
I pray the living God may be,
The shepherd of thy soul;
His tender mercies still are free,
His mysteries to unfold.
XIII
Thou, Phillis, when thou hunger hast,
Or pantest for thy God;
Jesus Christ is thy relief,
Thou hast the holy word.
XIV
The bounteous mercies of the Lord
Are hid beyond the sky,
And holy souls that love His word,
Shall taste them when they die.
XV
These bounteous mercies are from God,
The merits of His Son;
The humble soul that loves his word,
He chooses for His own.
XVI
Come, dear Phillis, be advis’d
To drink Samaria’s flood,
There’s nothing that shall suffice
But Christ’s redeeming blood.
XVII
While thousands muse with earthly toys;
and range about the street;
Dear Phillis, seek for heaven’s joys,
Where we do hope to meet.
XVIII
When God shall send his summons down
And number saints together
Blest angels chant (Triumphant sound)
Come live with me forever.
XIX
The humble soul shall fly to God,
And leave the things of time.
Stand forth as ’twere at the first word,
To taste things more divine.
XX
Behold! the soul shall waft away,
Whene’er we come to die,
And leave its cottage made of clay,
In twinkling of an eye.
XXI
Now glory be to the Most High,
United praises given
By all on earth, incessantly,
And all the hosts of heav’n