tobacco review « CONNECT/HOOK

An old-school Scottish blend from 1560:

Upon first char, there is a slight room note of ash from the pyre of Jan Hus, followed 150 years later by a hint of St. Bartholomew Huguenot blood. With the relight there comes an initial powerful note of Highland Cùmhnantaich. I also noted a distinct sinister taste which was probably Bloody Mary around 1559. As you smoke further, Knox and his followers smash the Papist idols; lower in the highlands of the bowl, you can hear the Covenanters sigh under Catholic/Anglican oppression.
The Virginias are partially settled and colonized, while the Orientals and Latakia threaten the shipping routes as they enlarge the Ottoman Empire. This tobacco burns unevenly but intensely, uniting the warring Scottish clans under the banner of Protestantism. Frequent relighting may be needed, due to massacres and state-sponsored persecution. Shattered stained class is glimpsed as the Reformed doctrines assert themselves and move south to inspire Cromwell‘s armies.
Deeper into the bowl, I caught a whiff of the bleeding head of Charles the First just before the Restoration.
The room note lingers well into the coming centuries and diffuses sovereign grace to all the Elect of God’s true church. This is a highly-recommended tobacco and best smoked in an Elizabethan churchwarden or a Calvinist bagpipe.

Presbyterian ages very well. I have some cellared from 1618 which has not only maintained but improved in flavor, with Popish tendencies greatly reduced.
Presbyterian Mixture is best enjoyed in the New World, since Anglican prelates may interfere with its enjoyment on the British side of the Atlantic.

The trial by fire tonight is Old Atlantean English Mix.
I’m smoking it in a full briar Churchwarden, somewhat Dispensational in theology but a reasonable chalice nonetheless.
Upon applying flame to the offering, the tobacco arches upwards in excited expectation, like a love-stricken female. The first several draws are full, rich, patrician puffs which dissipate slowly into a thinning financial atmosphere. The bowl smolders evenly, a room note of Baroque splendor mingled with late-romantic literary bravado becoming pronounced. The smoke is understated yet extroverted—an oxymoronic haze of blue reverie—borne on unseen currents of doubt. Atlantean Mix smokes well, philanthropically in fact, and sincerely wants to engage the smoker’s meditation but lack of money and self-assurance can call for steady puffing to keep it alight. Grace notes and triplets of Mohammedan Latakia begin to play subtle counterpoint to the Colonial Virginias at this phase. Byzantine rebels begin rising up against the Ottoman oppressor as the smoke burns lower in the bowl, to tragic memories of Armenian massacres and minor movements by Khatchaturian.
The room note is intense, slightly dissonant here, but willing to trust in the sovereign providence of an Almighty God. Towards the bottom third of the bowl, a surprising shift occurs; the Mediterranean memories begin to dialectically synthesize new fragrances of nicotine-laden torpor, irrespective of the geological timeline. Now, deep into the bowl, Atlantean Mix begins to yield up her stratigraphic secrets. Uniformitarian preconceptions burn away, leaving only fossilized remnants of antediluvian depravity. The tobacco is now smoldering into pockets of Pre-Cambrian coal, releasing moans of the non-elect who perished in the flood. Deeper still, the bowl is now murmuring trilobite dreams, singing softly of Edenic mornings in the green glory of the unfallen garden. Just before going out, Atlantean English speaks in glossolalian syllables to the smoker’s friends and family (both those present and the dearly departed).

All in all, I recommend Atlantean English Mix—but be forewarned;
this is a serious smoke. You are in for an implosion of the hermeneutic dimension;
definitely an acquired taste. Pack yourself a judicious bowl and happy smoking to you.