To That Thing

Woman, thy nastiness to me
Is like old Nikes on the floor
Where sweat and mildew disagree
And force me to the nearest door
A stench I can’t ignore.

Your heart weighs less than styrofoam,
Thy stinking feet, thy scowling face,
Belong in some state nursing home . . .
Free me up some breathing space,
You mean-hair clipped-face gnome.

Lo, in yon dark recliner-chair
How meatloaf-like I see thee slump,
Upon your wide immobile rump,
Ah! Harpie of the greasy hair
Unholy Frump!




Find a poem that you like, and rewrite each line, replacing each word (or as many words as you can) with words that mean the opposite.

To Helen
(E.A. Poe)

Helen, thy beauty is to me
Like those Nicean barks of yore
That gently, o’er a perfumed sea,
The weary, way-worn wanderer bore
To his own native shore.
On desperate seas long wont to roam,
Thy hyacinth hair, thy classic face,
Thy Naiad airs have brought me home
To the glory that was Greece,
And the grandeur that was Rome.
Lo, in yon brilliant window-niche
How statue-like I see thee stand,
The agate lamp within thy hand,
Ah! Psyche, from the regions which
Are Holy Land!

2 comments on “To That Thing

  1. Anonymous says:

    Nicean to Nike is a stroke of brilliance! The poem reminds me, topic- and tone-wise, of Shakespeare’s sonnet 130, but minus the redeeming couplet. I will say that I’d rather have Poe serenade me, though! ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chado says:

      Thank you Anon. I actually did consider the Nicean to Nike thing, but the truth is, I still don’t get why Poe used that esoteric word in the original. I think it actually has nothing to do with winged Nike the goddess of Victory, it has to do with Dionysiac lore . . .


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