Rant #19

Nature imagery ? Oh come on. NATURE? Your precious observations about, what, organic elements acted upon by atmospheric forces ? Yeah right (yawn); snow on a pine bough, whoopie. Some freaking BIRD you saw and the bird was I don’t know pooping on a rock at twilight or something, I mean COME ON. Just cause it reminded you of some tawdry painting or swooned you into a superficial ecstasy do you HAVE to inflict it on us? Flowers, cherry trees in blossom, shit like that . . . Seriously, NATURE doesn’t give a F— about you. That bitch will freeze you to death in about eight hours just because you got lost and forgot to bring your winter coat and mittens UP Mount Fuji. Nature? She’ll laugh while the sharks circle you and there you are scrawling some freaking maudlin HAIKU about the ocean. Matsuo Basho is like: “Next. Pass the remote and grab me another Asahi…” Silly gaijin Westerners with their Orientalisms and pseudo-Zen, some bullshit 5-7-5 syllable count— then they expect someone to READ the thing and be moved or experience SATORI or cry or something. Haikai,haibun,highball,lo-fi,yakitori, whatEVER, dude. Kyoto temple gongs and bamboo groves, my ass. Frog on a lily pad, cranes in the mist; throw your nature poetry in the carp-pool, buddy. Wordsworth looks up from his sukiyaki and he’s all: “Been there, done that, too…” Forget nature, man. Nature is SO over. Oh please, no. No more haiku, no. Hey honey have you seen my PHONE ?


Write a humorous rant.
In this poem, you may excoriate to your heart’s content all the things that get on your nerves.

4 comments on “Rant #19

  1. Now I cannot get the image of Wordsworth looking up from his sukiyaki out of my head. Brilliant rant — made me laugh out loud out!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gotta love a good rant :) Looks like I’m not the only one then.

    Liked by 1 person

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