Objective: No Objectives


This objective will not be accomplished
through a series of planned action-steps.
This outcome will not be a result
of selectively modifying best practices.
Results-based analysis will not help you.
This objective cannot be achieved
through collaboration with peers
or self-reflecting on past strategies.
There will be no PowerPoint, Prezi, or any other slide show
to unpack this metric.
The new paradigm is an old dead joke.
Outcomes are irrelevant to this objective.

This objective laughs at you
as it explodes in your data-driven bureaucratic face.
Go to hell and take this benchmark with you,
you piece of administrative irrelevance.
There are no more attainable objectives.


IMAGE CREDIT: Hergé, The Seven Crystal Balls


The useless Haiku:
silly Japanese verse form.
Formula for dull.

Born 2B Data-Driven !

Data Wreck1

In a panic, having lost control of the vehicle at high speed and swerving off the Data Highway, I assessed the impending impact and made quick mental notes for a feasibility study as the stationary tree moved closer rapidly. In a flash, ultimate outcomes passed before my eyes, like the newest edition of a celestial Clearslide/PowerPoint/Prezi presentation tool:

  • Data drives performance indicators as the winter wind whips the data-driven snow.

  • Real-time numbers are to outcomes what God is to Heaven.

  • Data supersedes Life as Christ supersedes the angels.

  • Vigorous data collection enhances and informs rigorous data selection.

  • Data is to outcomes as outcomes are to income.

  • Objectives tied to measurable outcomes bring numbers back into the game and turns  benchwarmers into real-time benchmarks.

  • Data quality ensures accountability, facilitates transparency, and reduces redundancy.

  • Performance indicators are ultimate vindicators, turning competitors into partners and sustaining creative growth by creating sustainable change.

  • Data are plural – but only to the Brits . . .

These bulleted staff-development phantasms surged into my mind right before the massive, jarring crunch when my vehicle smashed into the Tree of Life that grows just off the Data-Driven Highway. I cannot recall the moment of collision, nor the impact assessment study that preceded it. It seemed many, many Continuing Staff Improvement sessions later when I awoke to the soothing pastel shades and muted color scheme of a projected graphic full of squiggly arrows, cyber-hieroglyphics and professionally-presented slides filled with corporate jargon. I was finally in Data Heaven where the numbers never lie but rise to live forever.  I had achieved my final measurable objective!